Egotistical Utilitarianism - The Tension That Builds Legacy
“The ultimate human is the egotistical utilitarian - the decision you make for yourself, most selfishly, also happens to be the most selfless decision for everyone else.” Matthew McConaughey
A single phrase smacked me in the face: egotistical utilitarian. Two words that, annoyingly, sum up my entire operating system.
I found them in Greenlights. Within forty-eight hours they were in my Instagram bio, rattling around my head. They still are.
At first glance the pairing feels off: egotistical (self) versus utilitarian (others). Me or we. But that tension - that paradox - is exactly why I haven’t been able to let it go. I don’t want to choose between ambition and altruism. I want both. Truth is, that’s how I’ve always built. That’s what got me here.
Ego isn’t the enemy - misuse is
Having spent nearly three-decades trying to understand narcissists has taught me something important: the antidote to ego isn’t humility - it’s utility.
Being an egotistical utilitarian means pursuing your own growth, success, and legacy while creating value far beyond yourself.
Not instead of yourself.
Not after you’ve succeeded.
But through it - together.
This isn’t performative modesty. I want to win. I want to build. But I want everyone around me to win and build too. Glory is sweeter when it’s shared.
The list I live by
Earlier this month, I mapped out a personal roadmap (“Next Chapter Life Goals”) - a way to stay aligned as I evolve.
Be present, intentional, loving - for family & friends
Evolve physically, mentally, spiritually
Use grief as fuel, never the steering wheel
Build and protect a legacy that survives me
Create security, opportunity, meaning
Lead with purpose, build with impact
Inspire and empower - especially the overlooked
Reassess often; stay aligned with what matters most
Live with intention, not intensity
That list is my utility test. Ego isn’t always evil - it just needs direction. A move that feeds only my story is hollow. But one that lifts others? That turns purpose into performance.
Dance floors & DJ booths
Executive Leadership coach, Tamson Edmonds, asked me a simple question that cut deep:
“Aligned to what?”
Aligned to my why.
Aligned to legacy.
Aligned to the moment the lights go down and a sea of strangers moves as one to something we created. This weekend I saw it at Defected @ Pacha, at Glitterbox @ Hï, and I’ll see it again today at D4 @ O Beach.
It’s like football: some play for the name on their back but the greats also play for the badge on the front. No crowd, no glory. No club, no meaning. Same in the booth. Some DJs play for themselves, the best play with the people. This is why I’ve always cared first about the party before the commercials. If the energy, the connection, the why isn’t there, the numbers don’t matter. The party is the product. The music is the product.
Steven Braines, our Head of Events, gets it. “I like sitting on parliamentary panels,” he told me. “Sure, I enjoy the access, but I use that mic to push trans rights, Black rights, to fight misogyny - things that don’t benefit me directly, but matter to the culture.” That’s egotistical utilitarianism in action. That’s why I hired him.
Brand tension = personal tension
Writer James Cole talks about brand tension - the magnetic force of two truths held together:
Rugged and refined
Dark and heroic
Affordable and stylish
People are no different. Beyoncé is an A-list icon and a community builder. Kendrick Lamar is a Pulitzer-winning soloist and a platform-builder through pgLang. Fred again.. headlines the biggest stages yet samples everyday voices to soundtrack the collective.
Their dualities don’t dilute them. They define them.
I want that same charge. That’s why community sits at the very heart of everything we do.
What it looks like inside Defected
Three things come to mind:
1. Taste as trust - We release only what we love. No filler, no trend-chasing. Every track passes the “do we adore this?” test, and this year’s results prove the difference.
2. Catalogue as creative fuel - Our classics aren’t just revenue lines they’re cultural anchors powering remixes, brand moments, and future discovery. That’s legacy.
3. A brand people live inside - Defected is more than music. From playlists to pop-ups, dance floors to fashion drops - people wear it, share it, and belong to it.
Ego provides the fire to build; utility makes it worth building.
Mirror tests & ripple effects
If you want to try this mindset, start here:
Run the mirror test - Will today’s decision make future-you proud and leave the scene/your work better than before?
Map the ripple - Self → team → community → culture. Does the action serve more than one circle?
Say the quiet part loud - Share your goals. Share your growth. Show your workings. It’s how you kill performative altruism and build trust that lasts.
My commitment
I am an egotistical utilitarian - and I’m proud of it.
I’ll chase growth and leadership, but never in a vacuum. If I drift into pure ego or pure martyrdom, call me on it. I probably will before anyone else does.
Eventually, I want to leave this scene better than I found it, by staying aligned to both the badge and the name.
And I’ll say this, too: the world needs more egotistical utilitarian leadership right now - people who can hold purpose and power in the same hand. People who build for themselves and for others. Who see success not as a finish line, but as a starting point for service.
Are you a fellow egotistical utilitarian? I want to hear from you…